Saturday, June 17, 2006

Parking Garage Haiku

Parking garage sounds,
drippy wet echoes inside.
I must find a space.

---

Oily cement ooze
smell of exhaust perfumes me.
I love the city.

---

Darkness seeps inside.
Behind pole the bad man hides.
Help, I'm getting mugged.


© Copyrights reserved by author.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Endangered (Chapter 1)

[A draft of a chapter from a novel I’m working on.]


           Martha McDougal checked the time on the old Grandmother clock. It was 5:45 and Henry, her husband of 47 years, was due home from the Elk's Club in half an hour.
           She put the feather duster away and opened the double-doors of the hall closet. She grunted, and her tired bones creaked and popped as she dragged the heavy, old, Electrolux from its lair beneath the coats, right beside the big box of toys. They were her grandson's toys, she thought. But they weren't quite her grandson's - they were her own son's. They had been collecting dust in the attic for twenty-five years, and just the other day she decided to bring them down and clean them up. They weren't the same as the new fangled things you see on TV, but they were good enough for her son, Jeffery, and he had taken good care of them. Jeffery had been such a good boy. Her grandson, Albert, will be in for a nice surprise tomorrow when he comes over to visit. Albert is a good boy too she thought, as the dinosaur-like Electrolux reluctantly left its cave.
           The aroma of a roast whiffed past her nose and she scolded herself because she knew it would be done in just a few minutes and would have to be kept warm until Henry came home.
           She kicked the button on the base of the vacuum and the beast roared into life. She worked quickly. Over the years she had gotten quite adept at working the power head with one hand and kicking along the separate base with one foot while taking care that the cumbersome hose didn't knock anything over. Martha had a thing for nick-naks and had been collecting them since she got married at 19. Now, to her aging eyes, they were only nuisances to be dusted around, but she knew that someday, after she leaves this earth, they might bring a fortune on the antique market and possibly put one of her grandchildren through college. That was, if her son didn't just throw them away. “Junk”, is what he calls them.
           A rumbling sound drew her attention to the cylindrical base of the vacuum. She kicked it once and the rumbling stopped. Turning back to her work, she heard the rumbling again. "Dammit! Don't tell me this thing has finally given up on me." She kicked it one more time and the strange sound disappeared. She stood for a moment, staring and wagging her finger at it, daring it to act up again. It did. This time she stooped in front of it and shook it by hand, but the rumbling continued. She switched it off and the roar of the old motor turned into a purr, and then into silence. She placed her hands on her hips and sighed.
           That's when she heard it clearly for the first time. It seemed to come from everywhere at once and shook her insides. It was a low, guttural growl like that of an angry dog, except deeper. She knew it was coming from behind her. The sound reached inside her with a cold hand and squeezed her stomach. She wanted to turn around, but something told her not to – something instinctual, like how you know not to take a breath underwater without having to think about it. She realized she had stopped breathing and drew in a slow, trembling breath, knowing that what ever it was would be able to see her move.
           It hit her between the shoulder blades like a 50-pound sack of potatoes. She tipped over the vacuum and sprawled onto the floor on the other side. Her head struck the floor with such force her ears rang. The rug lit the side of her face on fire as she slid to a halt. Dazzling dots of light danced before her eyes and she felt feint. The room rocked like a boat on stormy seas, and she nearly lost consciousness.
           Her mind immediately cleared when something, knife-like, penetrated the flesh of her back. One, then another. And then three more at once. She tried to scream but only, "Huh", escaped her as she was compressed under the weight on her back. She tried to roll one way and then the other. It was attached to her by what felt like two handfuls of giant fishhooks. She tried to roll again and the weight was relieved. Then, she did scream as the hooks were ripped from her body, leaving long furrows of exposed muscle and bone. She rolled onto her back and took a breath to scream again, but what she saw in the instant before letting it out caused it to come out as nothing more than a dry wheeze. Through the web of cracks in her shattered glasses she gazed into greenest pair of eyes she had ever seen. They were beautiful, she thought. She smiled and her eyes welled with tears.
           She was a little girl standing inside her grandma’s front door. The door had a round window made of stained glass that showed a green sailboat sailing upon blue waves. It was a bright spring day and the sunlight shone through the window, casting green and blue light on the tile floor. The colors danced and wiggled like a puddle at her feet.
           The owner of the green eyes exhaled, her glasses fogged and the vision was gone. Stirred from her reverie, she renewed her attempts to scream. This time they were foiled for the last time. She inhaled her final breath before a prickly vise clamped down tightly around her throat and held firm and still. Her windpipe was closed tight; her eyes bulged in their sockets and her heart beat like a drum in her ears. She struggled only a little as her body used up the remaining oxygen in her lungs. As she lie there, she felt her hands and feet go numb, and her final thoughts were of her grandson and the roast burning in the oven.



© Copyrights reserved by author.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The Seventh Day

[A short story I’m still fussing with here and there.]

           Marcy sat huddled on the floor with her arms wrapped tightly around her daughter. She was looking around her living room at the boarded-up windows and the dining room table, which was now pushed up against the front door. Her husband, Logan, was nailing reinforcements over a window. She was trying to block out the cries coming from outside her home. She was trying not to think about what had happened to her little boy, Theo, many hours before.
           Every Sunday morning since they had moved into the home, those darn religious zealots kept showing up at her door. They would ask her if she’d “been saved” or offer to teach her about the “savior”. She had always politely declined, saying, “No thank you. We’re atheists”, and quietly closed the door. They had always just turned around, walked back down the front step, down the walk, and gone away. This time had been different. This time they hadn’t taken “no” for an answer. This time, they wouldn’t go away.
           Logan started nailing the boards up around noon after they had broken the window and snatched poor Theo from the house. She still couldn’t accept what happened to little Theo. Marcy wanted to close her eyes, but didn’t. She still saw the blood when she closed her eyes. She still couldn’t think of his screams.
            “Ned, go in the basement and break the legs off the workbench.” Logan ordered his oldest, and now only, son. “This table isn’t going to hold them for long. I want to nail those legs across this door to brace it.”
            “No, don’t.” Marcy said. “I’ll go. You’ve got your hands full and I haven’t been much help.” Marcy stood, and when her daughter, Sissy, moved to do the same her mother scolded her, “No, Sissy. You stay right there.”
            “No, mommy. I’m afraid.” Sissy complained, almost in tears.
            “It’s OK sweetheart, your brother is right over there. Everything will be fine”. Marcy didn’t really believe that everything would be fine, but her motherly instincts made her say whatever was necessary to appease the frightened little girl.
            “Mommy, why do those people want to hurt us?”
            “I don’t know, Sissy. I just don’t know...”
            At that moment, the lock finally broke on the front door and it moved inward, moving the table about half a foot. A pale but bloody arm reached through the six-inch space between the door and the jamb. It clawed frantically trying to reach any living thing within. Logan leaned his weight on the edge of the table forcing the door closed on the anonymous arm and neatly snapping a bone. Marcy could hear a clean crack of splintering bone from across the room. She also heard the immediate and hideous scream from the thing on the other side.
            Things are indeed what they were - or at least what they had become that morning when she had tried to turn them away. She now remembered vividly. She had said, “That’s very kind of you, but we’re not a religious family”, and began to close the door. The man had thrown his weight against the door, pushing it back open entirely and placing a nice bump on her forehead in the process. She had actually watched his features change. His lips pulled back, from the usual smile, into a terrible grimace, and then pulled even further, exposing a mouthful of color - yellowed decaying teeth and blood-red gums. Out of this orifice came a bubbling cry, “Marcy! You should have gone to church today!” She was so distracted by this sight that she didn’t see the process by which his eyes became what they were - white orbs with no iris. Had they rolled back into his head? She didn’t know and didn’t take the time to think about it. She slammed the door, or at least tried to. The man/thing had stepped into the house just enough to block the door with his chest, which she could now see through the holes in his suit, the lines of his ribcage showing clearly beneath his pale skin. It seemed that within seconds all of his bodily features had become more pronounced. It seemed he’d lost a hundred pounds in the thirty seconds since they’d first met and now his cheekbones stood out fully, chin came to an awful point and the muscles in his neck formed web like strands as he strained to push the door back open. Fortunately Logan was there - Logan is always there. With a single kick from a large work boot, Logan evicted the monster and locked the door.
            “Hurry!” Logan screamed. Marcy was shaken from her reverie and the memory was gone - for now. “We need those boards, now!” He and Ned had forced the pale arm back through the space in the door and were now both doing a poor job keeping the door closed against the things on the other side. Marcy ran for the basement door and hurried down the stairs. When she reached the bottom she heard them. “Maaaarrrrcy. You should have gone to church todaaaaay!” A chorus of terrible voices assaulted her from the darkness. Marcy froze. She froze in her tracks and her blood froze in her veins. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she saw shadows moving slowly toward her from the recesses and damp corners of the basement. She spun and headed back toward the top of the stairs. The figures attacked. She heard above the sounds of her pounding steps on the stairs an army of running steps only yards behind her. She was only on the fifth stair when she heard their shoes hit the first. Two more stairs and she felt them rumble under the weight of the gang only four steps behind her. Marcy held her breath as she raced the last eight steps, feeling their hands on her back and sensing their rancid breath in her nose. At the top she skidded on the hardwood floor but was just able to slam the door shut on her pursuers. It locked. She recoiled at the crash of bodies as they met the other side. The door bowed inward but did not break. Ned was there in a moment to push the heavy oak china hutch in front of the door. “Maaarrrrcy! Have you been saaaaaaved?” came the hateful choir from the other side. “It’s time to meet your saaaaviour!” The song was unreal. Maniacal. “Say your prayerrrrs, Ned!” A high-pitched shriek, like a bulldozer rolling down a mountain made of concrete. “Maaaarrrrcy. You should have gone to church todaaaaay! Let us in and be saaaaaved!”
            Marcy fell to her knees and melted in anxious sobs and shudders. The shrieks she had been listening to all day had finally reached inside her. They grabbed her spine and shook her apart. Her son caught her before she fell the rest of the way to the floor. His mother had finally let go of the final thread of sanity she had left. He dragged her back to the corner of the living room where her daughter now held and comforted her saying, “Everything’s going to be OK, mommy.”

----------

            Earlier that morning, after Logan had forced that thing back out the front door, they had each stood in front of a different window on the ground level of their home, staring in frightened fascination as these, transformed, people gathered and surrounded the house. They were awakened from this hypnosis by the sound of a breaking window. Marcy and Logan ran toward where the sound had come, the window next to the front door, where Theo was standing transfixed by what was happening. They arrived in time to see a monster lean into the window, his torso completely entering the house. It was a different man/thing this time. It was tall, and large clumps of flesh and hair fell from him, like some advanced form of Leprosy had devastated his body. He seized little Theo, who did not fight but was simply frozen with fear, and yanked him, in one smooth motion, out through the broken window. Marcy covered the remaining distance to the window in two long strides. There, she stood and watched in horror as it pulled one limb, then another, from her boy’s wriggling body. His screams were unbearable as he died mercilessly in the man/thing’s hands. Logan, who was not in position to see the monster perform it’s sport, sensed what was happening. He turned his wife from the window and held her rigid figure as the tearing sounds continued outside. For a little while, the creatures would leave them alone.

----------

            Bedposts did a fairly adequate job of reinforcing the front and back doors. By removing the doors from the kitchen cabinets and closets, Logan was able to finish boarding up all the windows on the ground floor. The upstairs level didn’t seem to be an issue. There was no way he could see for them to reach the upper windows unless they could scale straight up the outside walls, and he doubted that. It didn’t matter anyway. He was out of materials. The carpentry part of their defense was now over.
            They sat on the living room floor together like they had on the day they’d moved in, when the moving van hadn’t arrived yet. And, now, once again, they found themselves without furniture, and held each other in the middle of an empty sea of carpet.
            Finally, Ned spoke. Despite the rampage going on outside the house, and despite the taunting screams and noisy struggles of things trying to gain entry, despite all that, the family heard him clearly. But, they were only four softly-spoken words. It wasn’t the volume of the words, but what they contained – the gravity of what he said that made his words slice the air as if they had been sitting in silence, “Perhaps we should pray.”
            His father stared into space and then slowly turned to his son. His face was a question mark. He blinked, looked at the front door, the floor, and then back into space. His brow furrowed and eyes closed ever so slightly. The wrinkles, showing his age in the corner of his eyes, deepened. Logan looked like a game show contestant about to give his final answer and win the boat, the car, and all the cash that went with it. Logan squeezed his mouth tight and the blood left his lips, turning them white for a moment. In an instant the quizzical look turned to one of great irritation. He leaned into Ned and asked the question on everyone’s mind. “What!”
            “Not…” Ned looked through the window over his shoulder and lowered his voice, “Not for real. You know. Just fake it. Maybe if we give them what they want – if they think we’ve been saved they’ll go away and leave us alone.
            Marcy had been listening and regained her composure. “It’s a…” she cleared the tears from her throat, “It’s a good idea.”
            Logan scowled. “OK, who’s going to lead this…”, he winced. It was clear he didn’t like this but was going to go along with it, “prayer?”
            Ned smiled, “I can do this.” He winked at his dad who didn’t look any happier.
            They all joined hands. There was a heavy pounding on the front door like a visit from a landlord who had come for three months rent and wasn’t going to take excuses anymore.
            Ned took a deep breath, looked skyward and exposed two rows of perfectly white teeth. Logan knew at that moment that his son was going to ham it up as best he could for the unruly audience on the other side of the wall. Ned was actually going to enjoy this. “Lawed! We have seen the light!” Ned was doing his best impression of a gospel preacher and managed to throw in a southern drawl just for fun, apparently. Logan groaned in protest but no one heard. “You have sent your messengers and we have heard them.” All sound from outside the home ceased. Marcy squeezed Logan and Sissy’s hands and they all exchanged glances. The things from outside were listening. “We have seen the error in our ways and we give ourselves to you, oh Lawed!”
            Now Logan smiled. He could see a silhouette between the window boards over Ned’s shoulder so they knew the things were still there, but they were really listening. It was working. They were a captive audience. “Go on!” he commanded his son, “Keep going!”
            “We sit before you as humble servants and from this moment forward will carry the word and do your bidding. We bathe in your light and walk only in the footsteps of the lawed!” The silhouette was gone. Logan let go of Ned and Marcy’s hands and raced to the window. Pressing his hands and face against the boards he peered through a space between them. The things were leaving. He saw figures walking across the lawn, down the walk, down the driveway, making their way back down the street. Ned’s idea had worked. They had fooled the invaders and had now been left in peace.

----------

            Monday morning sun came through the window and warmed Marcy’s face. She lifted her head and looked around the room. The other half of her face was itchy from the carpet. The rest of the family minus one, Theo, were still there with her on the living room floor sleeping. They decided, just to be safe, to leave their defenses up for the rest of the day on Sunday, and that night, and stay together right there where they’d witnessed Ned’s performance.
            Marcy rose, went to the window and peered out. All clear. Not a sign of the army that had laid siege to their home the day before. She picked up the hammer beside the front door and went to work on the boards nailed there. Her family groaned in protest at the noise, but were silent once they got their wits about them and remembered where they were and why. Logan rose only to his elbow and watched her. Removing the last board, Marcy opened the door and stepped outside. It was an exceptional morning. Tranquil. The cement step was cool and coarse under her bare feet as she watched a robin bounce on the lawn in search of worms. She could hear leaves flutter in a slight breeze. Her foot bumped into something and she looked down. There, she saw a brown, leather-bound book with a cross embossed on the cover. Two golden words winked at her in the sunlight. She dropped the hammer, bent, and picked up the book. She ran her hands over the surface and let her fingers bump over the letters as if they were braille. The edges of the pages were gold and the book made a new-book cracking sound when she opened it, but from inside an odor whiffed up at her. This was not new-book smell, but the rancid thing she’d recognized from her encounter in the basement the day before. She slammed the book closed, went back in the house, and tossed it into an umbrella rack beside the door. The rack clanged against the wall, rocked back and forth for a moment, and was still once again.

----------

            The following Sunday, Marcy sat on the sofa and used their new coffee table as a desk as she drew circles in the Real Estate section of some other town’s newspaper. Logan watched TV in the den and Ned and Sissy were upstairs. Her heart stopped at the sound of a fist striking her front door. It came again and again. Marcy went to the door and placed her hand on the knob. She released it, walked to the umbrella stand, and retrieved the strange gift the family had received the previous Sunday. Clutching it to her side like a schoolgirl, she opened the door. There, she stood face to face with her son, Theo. He was smartly dressed; a nice blue pinstriped suit, tie, and shiny patent leather shoes. His face was deadly serious. He held to his chest a book that matched hers. His eyes moved down to where she held her bible. “I see you’ve already heard the good news”, he said and smiled. Marcy nodded once. The boy turned, straightened his tie, and hopped off her step. Marcy stood and watched her son make his way back down her walk. She could hear his heels click and scrape on the concrete as he went. She took a step back and closed the door.
            Logan called from the other room with concern in his voice, “Marcy, who’s at the door?”
            Marcy turned the lock, and placed her back against the door. “Nobody.” Her voice wavered. “Just some kid selling magazine subscriptions.” She slid down until she was seated with her legs out in front of her. Marcy placed the book facedown on her lap, covered her face with her hands, and wept.



© Copyrights reserved by author.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

My Chipotlé Angel

          I had parked my car across the street from Chipotlé, feeling lucky to have even found a spot at 6pm on a Wednesday. An angry beast clawed at me from inside my stomach and told me that, if I took the time to walk down to the corner and cross at the light, it would burst out and murder me on the scene. The police would find my body, starved to death, lying in a crosswalk as angry commuters honked at my cooling corpse. So, distracted by daydreams of fresh guacamole and marinated meat, I darted between two parked cars. A voice, above my head, shouted, “Look out!”, and I jumped back. A bus winked by, nearly clipping my nose and flattening my toes. I’d nearly been killed -- if it hadn’t been for the voice.
          I spun around and looked up. There was a beautiful, young, female figure only feet above my head. A white mist enveloped her. She was leaning out a second floor apartment window and tendrils of smoke danced around her in the breeze. The unmistakable scent of marijuana reached my nose. Her golden hair glowed like a precious metal fresh from King Tut’s tomb. The breeze caught her twinkling mane, lifted it and revealed dark roots underneath. Her skin was pure and smooth as marble, like a china doll delicately polished by the finest craftsman. She leaned out further and I caught a glimpse of the word “Hank” tattooed on her left breast. Who was Hank? I wondered, but it wasn’t the question I asked.
           “Are you an angel?”, I shouted up to the window.
          She answered my question with a question as I suppose all angels do, “Are you some kind of freak?” She didn’t give me time to answer before she gave her angelic advice. “You should watch where you’re going, dumb shit.” She ducked her head back inside and slammed the window.

          As I ate my Chipotlé that day, it tasted better than it had on any other day. I reflected upon the advise I was given and had a fresh new perspective on life. From now on I would be different. I would be a new man for I had met my guardian angel, and her name was Hank.


© Copyrights reserved by author.

The Old Street Remembers

          I had the only paved nursery around. Children played, learned to ride bicycles, skinned their knees, got into their first fistfights and grew into teenagers all on the greasy asphalt that is my backbone. As a dead end street on Staten Island, I was the ideal place to raise a family – sheltered from the traffic, tucked back away from major thoroughfares; strangers rarely came to visit, let alone a gang member or drug dealer.
          And raise families people did. Every house it seemed – most containing two apartments – each of them a beehive of buzzing children. In the summer they filled the streets, yards and driveways. Trees and fences were jungle gyms. Porches were pirate ships. The boulder stuck in the ground behind 150 was a pitchers mound and poor Mrs. O’Conner’s garden saw endless construction work performed by Tonka trucks driven by muddy little fingers.
          I had this solitary light poll rising up out of me down by the dead end. On it was bolted a basketball hoop that the teenagers used in the evenings after the streetlight came on and splashed a puddle of light on the street, illuminating barely enough space to play ball. But for the youngsters it was a beacon of adulthood seen from their bedroom windows – a reminder of something they hoped to someday achieve. But in the daytime, the pole simply served as home base for tag.
          Ah, the endless games of tag. Huge, apocalyptic games of tag, involving dozens of children. One would hide his eyes on the pole and count. For some reason, still unknown to me, they counted by fives in a singsong kind of way. “Five, ten, fifteen, twenty...” Children would scatter, hiding everywhere - on porches, behind hedges, in backyards. The possibilities were endless. No. No! Not in the trashcan. Oh! I hope you don’t have to stay in there too long. The games would last for hours on end, only interrupted by the occasional car or the ice cream man.
          Ah, the ice cream man. Never did I receive a visitor more revered and respected than the ice cream man, and no one could end a game of tag more quickly. In an instant, the streets would be deserted, with only the sound of the ice cream truck music echoing in the empty street. Then, as suddenly as they’d gone, they would appear again in doorways and on porches with little fists full of coins. Screaming. There was no fear, it seemed, like the fear of the ice cream man passing me by. He never did, but that didn’t prevent the children from running after it as if it was the only opportunity they would ever have to eat ice cream again. Once the panic subsided I got a moment of peace. All the porches and stoops would serve as ice cream lounges for the children who only wanted to be left alone with their treat.
          Soon, a new “it” would be chosen so the game of tag would begin again. Occasionally, one of the youngest ones would be the chosen one and he would begin to cry.
           “Why are you crying?”, the other kids would ask.
           “I don’t know how to count by fives.”
           “Me neither”, a few of the other young kids would complain.
           One of the older kids would take them under his wing and lead them to the pole. “OK. I’ll show you. I’ll do it with you. Ready?”
          And then they would sing in unison, “Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty…”, and this made it a special day, for a new generation of tag-players had come of age.
          There weren’t many generations, though. There were only three, maybe four before things began to change. First, the Pathmark Grocery Store paved over the ball field for a section of parking lot they still don’t use. Then, the news said there was a kidnapping nearby. Later, there were the drive-by shootings.
          Now it’s different still. Now it’s the age of play dates and video games. The houses still stand, but now they’re home to factory workers and grocery store clerks. There are rarely any children and if there are they don’t come outside to play.
          The ice cream man still comes. In fact, I can hear him now. But now it’s just he and I listening to the music echo in the empty street. There are no panicked children to spring from my porches. The memories are still here. There are a few rusty old bolts in the pole where the hoop used to be. Jimmy’s initials are still carved close to the bottom along with a date, 1977. The big boulder is still there behind 150, but it’s been a long time since anybody called it a pitcher’s mound. There’s 35 cents worth of pennies hidden under a rock in what used to be Mrs. O’Conner’s garden – a treasure waiting to be found by some future archaeologist. Those kids must all be adults by now. Perhaps, one of them, somewhere, drives an ice cream truck like this one. I hope, sometimes, he looks in his rearview mirror at the gang of screaming kids chasing him, and remembers the times we had together. The ice cream bell is fading now. Please come back tomorrow. I hope you don’t pass me by.


© Copyrights reserved by author.

An Old Bird

[The following actually happened to me one morning, about an hour after I received news of my grandmother’s passing.]

          I got into my Explorer this morning, ready to leave for work, and fastened the seat belt. I had placed the key in the ignition and turned it to the first click, when I heard a strange drumming sound coming from the back. I looked into the rear compartment and out the rear window, but nothing seemed unusual or out of place. The tap-tapping continued. It almost sounded like heavy raindrops but it was a sunny, clear day and I was parked under a car port, besides. I sat, head cocked, listening. I turned the key off but the sound continued. It didn’t really sound mechanical anyway. There was a creepy, almost human quality to it. It was almost an intelligent rhythm - purposeful - like an impatient person slowly drumming his fingers on a metal filing cabinet.
          Suddenly, panic washed over me and my blood ran cold. There must be someone out there! There must be someone tampering with my vehicle or trying to get in! I turned wildly in my seat, looking over one shoulder and then the other, craning my neck to see as much as I could from my position in the front seat. I unbuckled my seat belt and the drumming stopped. I sat in the quietness of the morning, eyes wide. There it was again! It was definitely coming from the roof of the vehicle.
          I opened the door and slid out onto the step and turned around. There, I stood face to face with an ancient bird. It was a very old pigeon and it was walking around on the roof of my car. If you had told me that the bird I was looking at was a hundred years old, it wouldn’t have surprised me a bit. It’s eyes were red rubies. Even the flesh around the eyes was red. It’s feathers had faded and only bore the faintest hint of the color it once wore. Over all, the bird looked like a pair of faded blue jeans that had been worn and washed over and over for a lifetime. I laughed out loud in spite of myself. The laugh was too loud and too long as the relief blew out of me. Feeling kind of silly for the panic I’d felt only a moment before, I smiled at the bird and watched it do a slow waltz around the roof of my car. It never took it’s eyes off of me.
          “Well, hello!”, I said, my voice still wavering a bit, “What are you doing here?” The bird did not reply but the dance went on. It occurred to me that the bird must be either fearless or unable to fly. Perhaps it was injured. I reached out to the bird but it was too far away.
          I stepped down and walked around to the rear of the Explorer. Stretching, I reached out again, extending my finger. I was much closer now and the bird took a few steps toward me. An uneasiness brewed deep inside me. Would it peck me? Could it have a disease? The bird was close enough to touch and now I felt fear. Not the foolish panic from before but something else. As the bird danced only inches from me, stepping toward me and then back, it’s head bobbed up and down in nervous gestures. The hair raised on the back of my neck and I staggered backward. Come on, Jim, it’s only an old bird!
          I opened up the back hatch and got out my ice scraper which has a rather long handle. I closed the hatch and reached out with it. The nervous bird allowed me to gently press the handle against it’s chest and it climbed aboard. I swung the handle toward the edge of the roof but the bird would not go. It hopped back off and went back to it’s dance which was now a tango. I stood for a while, ice scraper in hand, considering my options and watching. I felt selfish and ashamed. For the bird I felt a sadness and compassion that made me wish I could leave it there to dance on my roof for as long as it liked. But, of course, I could not.
          I reached up again with the handle and this time gently pushed the bird to the edge of the roof. The bird leaped onto tired wings that could barely carry it. When it flapped it’s wings the sound was soft as if the once sharp edges were now tattered and frayed. The ancient bird flew in a low arc and came back to me. I threw up my arms, “No! Go somewhere else! You have to go.” Go away, I thought. I don’t want to see you no more. The bird looked disappointed. It made another arc and came very near me before it’s orbit changed and moved away from me again. I could feel the breeze from its wings on my face and for a fleeting moment we danced together before it flew away, went between two cars and disappeared from my sight.
          I got into my vehicle and drove away. As I drove to work, I had a sick feeling in my belly. I felt dread and remorse. Where would the bird go now? What would happen to it? Why was I so afraid?


© Copyrights reserved by author.